


This Damn RV

by EmptyMilkCarton



Category: The Walking Dead (Comics), The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Chaptered, Humor, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, ratings and warnings will change when I add chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-07
Updated: 2017-09-07
Packaged: 2018-12-24 21:10:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12021063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmptyMilkCarton/pseuds/EmptyMilkCarton
Summary: Negan takes his bestest buddy Rick Grimes on a run, and all goes relatively well until Negan's RV breaks down on the way back. Queue the two being forced to work together for the first time.





	This Damn RV

Rick had his head resting against the window, despite the bumpy road, half hoping it would knock him out before Negan’s non-stop babble did. He’d toned everything else but his own thoughts out by this point, imagining how the trip to Alexandria would go. He’d visit Carl and Judith, god help him if Negan tried to stop that, though now that he thought about it, he doubted it. Rick had received an increasingly flexible set of privileges, all unspoken. For instance, during their last visit, Negan had left Rick alone while he visited his family, and the time it took to collect the owed supplies was about an hour longer than usual.

 

If he didn’t know better, he’d say Negan was developing a soft spot for him.

 

“Hellooo, Ricky boy.”

 

Speak of the devil.

 

“Earth to Rick. Stop poutin’ like a bitch, I’m tryin’ to explain shit for ya.”

 

Rick slowly turned his head just enough so he could see Negan. The dumbass was giving him a confident grin. As if he had another facial expression, “Eyes on the road,” he muttered. It wasn’t long ago that he wouldn’t have dares to equal Negan’s sass, but he’d slowly realized that the man enjoyed someone to banter with. But only when they were alone.

 

“Ooh,  _ damn! _ ” Negan drawled, yet in face turn his eyes to the road as it made a gentle curve to the left. “The big six-shot sheriff’s got a little spunk in ‘im!”

 

_ The big six-sho— What?  _ Rick blinked, then decided rolling his eyes was a safe course of action, even if Negan couldn’t see it. Spunk. Of course Negan had to choose spunk. There wasn’t a moment that passed without Negan talking about dicks and balls. With his continuous dick jokes, you’d have to stop and question his sexuality at least once, with how far he takes them. Actually, now that Rick thought about it, maybe that’s why he had all those wives. Hard denial. He chuckled at the thought, which naturally got Negan’s attention.

 

“Well damn, what so fuckin’ funny? Wanna share?” Negan asked, frowning slightly when Rick burst out laughing at the question. “Yeah, I know, I’m a goddamn riot.”

 

“No, no,” Rick said once he caught his breath, “It’s just… It’s an inside joke. I was...thinking about past conversations,” he lied, letting out a very manly giggle as he rested his head on his palm, elbow on the RV door.

 

Negan looked over at him, interest clearly piqued. “Well, now you gotta tell me. C’mon, we’re bestest buddies now, I get to be in on jokes too.”

 

Rick snorted. “No. Eyes on the road.”

 

“Well fuck  _ me _ , you’re no fuckin’ fun. Don’t wanna talk to no one but the goddamn voices in your head.”

 

“The goddamn voices don’t make comments about their dicks every other sentence.”

 

Negan grinned broadly at that. “Well, gosh darn it, ya caught me.”

 

Rick couldn’t hold back a smile at Negan gruffly saying “gosh darn it” despite his best efforts. “How long until we get there.”  _ And I don’t have to be stuck here with your bullshit, _ Rick didn’t say, but would have liked to.

 

“Long enough for you to get me off. Ever given a handjob for the driver?”

 

“I have kids. I don’t spend my free time gettin’ down with guys in cheap cars.” Maybe if he rolled down the window, the air rushing in would drown Negan out.

 

“Well, y’know there’s a first time for ev—”

 

Perfect.

 

The breeze was an added bonus to the silence, although Negan was driving fast enough that he couldn’t keep his eyes open against the wind. Not that it mattered, there wasn’t much to look at besides trees and more trees.

 

Settling back into his seat, Rick kept his head rested against the doorframe, the smell of the woods pleasantly filling the RV and the rushing of wind rhythmic and soothing. Calmed, he felt himself drifting away, and was sound asleep in minutes.

 

\---

Subconsciously, Rick was aware that the RV had slowed down and stopped, but he was still drifting between layers of sleep. He chose not to move, and remained still.

 

“Rick.” A poke at his shoulder. “Ricky.” Another poke. He turned away from his assailant. “Rick, c’mon, we’re here.” A brief moment of silence before he was roughly shaken. “Rick, wake the fuck up! We’re not here to fuckin’ nap!”

 

Negan was grinning down at him when he finally turned around and opened his eyes. “Well, wakey wakey, Rick! You ready to get your pretty ass muddy?”

 

“Do I have a choice?” Rick grumbled, getting out of the RV.

 

“Nope, you don’t” Negan said, slamming the RV door shut after grabbing Lucille.

 

They’d gone on enough runs together at this point that Rick didn’t bat an eye when Negan gave his so-called “dirty girl” a kiss right on the barbed barrel.

 

“Are you gonna sit there and make out with your wood or are you gonna be useful,” Rick said drily, crossing his arms.

 

Negan’s eyebrows nearly shot off his face. “Did  _ Rick Grimes _ make a sex joke!?” he yelled, “Rick fuckin’ Grimes!? Mister Goody Two-Shoes!?”

 

_ Aaand, that’s enough of Negan for now.  _ Rick checked to make sure his gun was loaded, then started out into the forest off the side of the road. He and Negan had come here once before, but had to bail before scavenging from the nearby farm; the sun had been rapidly setting by the time they’d found it. But this time, Negan had brought the RV, Which meant there was a possibility of spending the night with Negan, Alone. He could feel the migraine setting in already.

 

“—for baby stuff. ‘Cause I know they gotta have some. Saw a crib in there. I’m fuckin’ positive,” Negan was saying, looking at Rick expectantly.

 

_ Is he waiting for my approval? _ Rick gave the man a smile. “Thank you,” he replied, and watched with confusion as Negan smiled back. Genuinely.

 

“Well, you’re most certainly fuckin’ welcome, Rick!” the man exclaimed before whirling around and whistling as he lead the way to the barn.

 

Not one to question miracles, Rick followed Negan, listening to the crunch of leave underfoot. He wasn’t an idiot, it was clear the ruthless leader of the Saviors had a bit of a soft spot for him. Why, he wasn’t entirely sure. He supposed it was a leader to leader thing, a way to ease tensions despite them being all but sworn enemies.

 

Rick couldn’t say he didn’t enjoy it, however annoying Negan became, it was far better than being constantly threatened. And he would have his suspicions that Negan was wooing him to increase his profit from Alexandria, but he could just walk in and take what he wanted. That alongside Negan’s streak of having genuine emotions around him made it clear to Rick that there was something about these runs that Negan thoroughly enjoyed. More specifically, Rick himself.

 

“Hey, Negan,” Rick started, a bit hesitant to ask about what was on his mind.

 

Negan spun around, a surprised and delighted light to his eyes that suggested he was astonished Rick had acknowledged him. Which, Rick mused, was reasonable. He usually avoided casual conversation with sociopaths.

 

“Well, what fuckin’ is it, Rick?” Negan said, stopping, “Fuckin’ spit it out!”

 

“What is it you like about me?” Rick asked, crossing his arms.

 

Negan looked like he’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “Well, Rick, you got one fine ass,” he said, covering up his surprise with his usual douchey grin.

 

Rick sighed. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting. “So that’s why you’re walking in front? So  _ you _ can see  _ my _ ass?” he prodded, too stubborn to let Negan off easy.

 

“Sugar, if you don’t want the gift of gettin’ front row seats to the Negan Show, you gotta speak up.”

 

It took all of Rick’s willpower to not drop the conversation there. “No, Negan. Why do you care about Judith? Why take me on runs? Why give me more time to be with my family?” He decided to take a risk. “Why the soft spot for me?”

 

Negan’s face hardened. “You’re makin’ a lotta fuckin’ assumptions here, Ricky boy. Your kid’s a fuckin’ toddler. We don’t need baby food, ‘cause we don’t have any fuckin’ babies. I don’t wish goddamn death on kids. Jesus.”

 

“Carl’s a kid,” Rick interjected before he could stop himself.

 

“A kid who killed a shitton of my men and tried to kill  _ me _ ,” Negan growled back, stepping forward into Rick’s space, “Fuckin’ pardon my ass for seein’ him as a bit of a fuckin’ problem.” He glared down at Rick, challenging him to say otherwise, and Rick abruptly realized who he was dealing with,

 

He looked away, worried Negan would snap and decide to take more from Alexandria. It had become increasingly difficult to forget that they weren’t bantering pals, despite everything. Although Rick would never and could never forgive Negan for his actions, the more time passed, he knew his burning rage had dulled. A big part of it was accepting that he couldn’t get revenge at the moment, Another part of it was accepting the deaths and slowly moving on,

 

Negan oat Rick’s shoulder roughly. “Hey, look, I’m not gonna hurt your kid, if you wanna know the truth of it. Probably. Unless it’s just me and him and he’s got a fuckin’ gun to my head. Then we’d have a fuckin’ problem.

 

“Thanks,” Rick muttered, think that’s what Negan expected.

 

“You don’t gotta thank me for basic human fuckin’ decency, Rick,” he said, ignoring Rick’s snort of amusement, “Now c’mon, gotta make sure the little tyke isn’t sittin’ in shit all day.” He tugged Rick along by his arm, and Rick had to stifle a frustrated noise.

 

\---

After a grueling hour of watching Negan run at walkers, bash their heads in, and spew random nonsense, they arrive at the barn.

 

“Let’s split up,” Rick said immediately, yearning to escape, “I’ll check upstairs, you check down stairs. Then I’ll check the barn.”   
  


Negan pursed his lips. “We can both check the barn. There might be shit in there. Like fuckin’ death.”

 

“Alright, fine,” Rick said, quickly walking the house, going inside and upstairs, not caring if he seemed like a bitchy teenager. He needed some alone time.

 

In the quiet, empty house, it was easy for Rick to get lost in his own thoughts. The open window brought in a soft breeze and it reminded Rick of the pleasant days in Alexandria. Days spent with family and friends, doing simple things like having small cookouts or baking cookies. Things that made Alexandria feel like a normal neighborhood.

 

Lost in his head, Rick collected things absentmindedly, thinking about how happy Judith would be to have a plastic dinosaur toy. Or how Carl would love the nook about long forgotten wars he’d found underneath the bed. The pile of items he’d deemed useful gradually drew, and he started putting them in the pack he’d brought, deciding to carry the diapers.

 

Heading downstairs, Rick was mildly surprised at how quiet it was. Whatever Negan was doing, he was being alarming silent. Curious, Rick poked around, hoping he wouldn’t catch the man with his pants down; he knew that wasn’t unlikely. But Negan was nowhere to be seen. Rick put the boxes down for a moment to crack his back, suddenly tired, before heading back outside. A sizable wagon was there—filled with everyday items, most canned or boxed non-perishables, along with several planks of wood and two beat-up shotguns,

 

Raising an eyebrow, Rick looked around for Negan.  _ He must’ve gone off to the barn, _ Rick mused, pulling the back of the wagon down and sitting on it,

 

Sure enough, Negan came around from behind the house several minutes later, trodding down the dusty path from the barn. He had an assortment of tools in his arms, choosing to stick his bat in his pack, seeing as it was smaller. “Hey, Rick!” he puffed, throwing the tools into the wagon with a grunt, “Didn’t wanna get your soft woman hands dirty?”

 

“You look like you could use the workout,” Rick retorted, “You’re panting like a bitch in heat.”

 

Negan laughed breathlessly. “I  _ am _ a bitch in heat, Rick.” He plopped down next to Rick, causing the whole wagon to creak. “Ain’t gonna lie, I’m fuckin’ winded. It’s a long ass walk from way the fuck over there and I haven’t had to do any real fuckin’ work in fuck knows how long.”

 

“You’ll get used to it,” Rick responded automatically, still thinking about Alexandria.

 

The wagon creaked again as Negan turned around and dug through the pile, throwing Rick off balance for a second. “What the hell are you doing?” he asked, hoping Negan didn’t want to waste all the ammo shooting walkers for fun again.

 

“I put rubbers in here somewhere, “ Negan said, then laughed and continued before Rick could leave. “I’m kiddin’. Well, I’m not, I did find some, but that’s not what I fuckin’ want. Where the fuck— Oh! Here we go. Come to Papa.” He held out a packaged cake to an unamused Rick.

 

“There’s no way that’s still good,” Rick said, eyeing the cake for mold, “And we don’t have forks.”

 

“Damn, you’re right,” Negan said, taking the plastic cover off the cake and stealing a huge glob of icing with his finger, sticking it in his mouth. “I’ll go get us some forks. Don’t you fuckin’ dare eat that without me, or I’ll fuckin fuck you the fuck up,” he said, standing.

 

Rick waited in silence as Negan went back into the house, mystified at the surreality of eating cake, abiet possibly dangerously spoiled, with the leader of the Saviors. So much for avoiding the man. He rubbed his eyes and sighed. This was going to be a long day. It was barely past noon, from where the sun was in the sky. Jesus, that meant at least seven more hours with Negan. He sent a quick prayer that there would be more houses to split up at.

 

The door then slammed open as Negan nearly kicked it down, forks held high above his head like he’d won the goddamn Olympics. “I got forks!” he shouted triumphantly.

 

Rick massaged his temples.

 

“It’s been so fuckin’ long since I’ve had cake,” Negan said, handing Rick a fork before taking a huge chunk of cake and shoving it into his mouth. A pleased noise rumbled up from his chest and he immediately went for seconds.

 

After cautiously watching Negan devour half the cake without dying, Rick took a small portion off with his fork. It tasted surprisingly good, if not terribly stale, but Rick hardly minded. He ate slowly, savoring both the taste of sugar and how quiet it was when Negan had his trap stuffed with food.

 

Once he finished what would be about two pieces if the cake had been served correctly, Rick tossed his fork into the pile and stood up.

 

“Done?” Negan asked in a way that implied he was very happy to have the rest to himself.

 

“No, I just threw away my fork into a pile of dusty wood planks for the hell of it,” Rick said, emptying his pack into the wagon.

 

“Fuck, you don’t gotta be so fuckin’ rude about it,” Negan said, although he was clearly thrilled at Rick’s snark.

 

“Eat the damn cake.”

 

“Well fuck, Rick, I can’t say no to that sexy voice. It’s like fuckin’ honey that drips straight down to my dick.”

 

“I’m going to start pulling the wagon back,” Rick said, ignoring Negan’s comment, “I’m gonna need you to move.”

 

Negan barked out a laugh. “Fuckin’ fat chance, Rick. I’m finishin’ this in fuckin’ peace.”

 

And so Rick waited patiently for Negan, watching rabbits nibble at the grass. Looking out over the fields, it was easy to forget the world had all but ended. Birds were still singing away in their trees, the wind was still blowing in soft rolls, making the tall, uncut grass sway gently. The whole scene radiated summer, despite it being the early days of fall, and Rick smiled a little, enjoying the moment.

 

He was so captivated that he didn’t notice Negan walking up beside him. “You’re a real emotional guy, huh? Likin’ all this nature and shit,” Negan said, startling Rick.

 

“Sorry for appreciating a good view,” ick muttered, annoyed that Negan couldn't just silently enjoy the view as well.

 

“Well, take your fuckin’ time, princess. Ol’ Negan’s takin’ a nap. I’m fuckin’ stuffed.”

 

Rick watched as Negan sat down with a grunt under a tree. “That’s probably because that cake was meant for at least eight people.”

 

“I need enough fuckin’ food to fuel these fuckin’ guns,” Negan said, flexing and then laughing as Rick rolled his eyes.

 

“I’m sure. Once that all goes straight to your stomach I doubt your wives will stick around.”

 

Negan’s eyes flashed with a playfully competitive light. “Maybe, but I bet you’d like it. Bet you got a chubby kink, Grimey Grimes. Oh, and with that comment, you can go get me Lucille, since I’m not fuckin’ movin’.” He took his jacket off and balled it up. “Y’know what, go get your jacket too. I need a good pillow.”

 

Knowing better than to try Negan’s patience, Rick huffed at the new nickname and walked back to the wagon, returning with Lucille and his beaten-up bomber jacket, which he’d yanked out of his bag. He handed both to Negan and watched in annoyance as Negan added his jacket to the ball, making sure Rick’s was the one touching the ground.

 

“Keep an eye out for roamers, will ya?” Negan said, placing Lucille down tenderly before laying down himself, resting his head on the jackets. “Fuck, your jacket smells just as fuckin’ godawful as you do,” he jabbed before rolling onto his side, closing his eyes.

 

Smothering the urge to beat Negan over the head with his own stupid bat, Rick rested against a tree that was a comfortable distance away from the man. It was strange to see him sleep, it was so normal and...human. Never in a million years would he have thought that he’d witness the bloodthirsty leader of the Saviors snoring under a tree after eating a cake frosted with flowers. What a time to be alive, he thought.

 

A part of him was surprised that Negan had trusted him enough to not try anything while he was sleep. But most of him was gradually becoming annoyed at how loud Negan’s snoring was. It was as if the man existed purely to piss Rick off.

 

However, as more time passed, the more Rick was able to block it out. He was tired himself, and had come to the conclusion that a little nap wouldn’t hurt. He was a light enough sleeper that the shuffling and growling of roamers would wake him up if the stench of rotting flesh didn’t. With that, he closed his eyes and led the soft fall breeze lull him to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This is sort of a test run to see what people think of the idea. I'd love it if you drop a comment saying what was good/bad, what you'd like to see, etc. I have no idea what I'm doing so. Yep. Yessir. This is happening.


End file.
